Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
