Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
