no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize