Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
