she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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