guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
