If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
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