Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
