he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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