U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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