woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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