We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
