its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
