Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
