question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
