You smell like a Billy Joel song
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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