Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
