Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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