I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
