yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
