A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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