When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
