I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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