Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I want to fling myself into the sun
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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