Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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