Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize