dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
