i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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