I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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