matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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