i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
