Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
