i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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