i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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