sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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