I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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