Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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