Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
