Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
