Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
