yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
