sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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