His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
