Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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