Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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