she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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