Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
