I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
