She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
