This is not my ceiling
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
