How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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