Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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