i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
