take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
