Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My breasts were aching with rage.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
