youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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