Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
