I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
