I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize