I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
