Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
