You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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