If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
